· Oh. Ma. Ga. Ladies and gentlemen: Britney Spears, lean, mean, and executing complicated choreography. Is she actually going to perform at the VMAs? You'll just have to tune in to our liveblog—from the actual theater, all live-like!—to find out. [MSN Video] · "The item in today's 'Drudge Report' is categorically untrue," Winfrey wrote. "There has been absolutely no discussion about having Sarah Palin on my show...I agree that Sarah Palin would be a fantastic interview, and I would love to have her on after the campaign is over." Translation: That lipstick-wearing pitbull gets this lipstick-wearing pitbull ratings, not the other way around. [ABC News] · Because we can never get enough, here's an entire gallery of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist star Michael Cera looking adorable next to someone else. [Getty Images] · Let Mary Hart take you on a tour of ET's all-new, state-of-the-art, super-duper hi-def set! Yup, that oughta hold 'er for another 50 years. [ET Online] · And finally, we'd like you to meet John Travis, the indestructible singing delivery guy. We just hope it's never on the road. [YouTube]
Out of the 2006 Oscars came many things, among them an unlikely two-horse sprint—one gay, one racist and mangled—between Brokeback Mountain and Crash for Best Picture. Crash would win, its tapestry of bigoted Angelenos embarking upon a futuristic death race for ultimate ethnic supremacy striking a chord in many Academy voters. Some time passed, and news came down the transom that Crash would become a weekly TV series on Starz. (While Brokeback Mountain: The Series never really progressed past the point of some preliminary interest at that network's specialty offshoot, Gayz.) Well, friends, we're thrilled to now present for you the Crash series trailer. It might not have Matt Dillon and Sandra Bullock, but it does have Dennis Hopper—who told us personally about his enthusiasm for the series ("We had an orgy the other day. For me it's a joy,"), and who in it delivers what is sure to become his signature phrase ("OOOhhh—I'm scared of a black man with a gun!") with admirable aplomb. [Crash]
Touted as a historical television fundraiser and awareness drive across three networks (Fox is sitting it out — stay classy, Rupe!), tonight's Stand Up For Cancer event was momentous enough to commandeer halftime during Thursday's NFL season opener at Giants Stadium. But it wasn't quite momentous enough to keep the sold-out crowd from cascading jeers onto unpopular Giants co-owner/Oscar-winning producer Steve Tisch and innocent bystander Jeff Zucker, whose eventual introduction and comments were only slightly better regarded than his host's, according to a Defamer operative in attendance. (Seriously — did Zucker's infamous My Name is Earl introduction get around to that many people?) A fan captured the video featured after the jump, featuring plenty of middle fingers, chants of "asshole" and a much more benevolent welcome for Zucker-preceder Christie Brinkley. Tough crowd, indeed. [YouTube]
Now that those exhausting political conventions are finally over, we can get back to the issues that really matter to hardworking Americans: sex addiction, huge breasts, and plastic surgery! That's right, it's time for another installment of Dirt Sandwich, prepared by Defamer videographer (and viable third party candidate) Molly McAleer. What's her platform, you ask? Why, it's to make sure that ordinary people have access to both universal health care and celebrity clip montages. After all, when that phone rings at 3AM, we need a candidate who knows how to deal with Jennie Garth's dramatic 10-pound weight gain, not one who'll have to learn about it on the job. That's the kind of experience you'll be getting from Molly McAleer on Day One — won't you cast your vote today?
In its bid to top the deceptively simple "I"m a Mac/I'm a PC" ad campaign of its rival, Microsoft went big, hiring auteur Michel Gondry to direct a commercial featuring Jerry Seinfeld alongside Bill Gates (update: we've been informed that though Gondry shot at least one commercial for this campaign, this particular ad was crafted by director Bryan Buckley). For his involvement, Seinfeld was handsomely compensated to the tune of $10 million — a big number, but small potatoes compared to the whole ad campaign's rumored $300 million budget. For that kind of cash, you might expect the end result to be an orgy of CGI with all participants covered in a thick sheen of liquid gold. However, Microsoft had something considerably quieter and more head-scratching in mind. Take a look at the lackadaisical proceedings and then try to physically restrain yourself from bolting out the door to buy a PC. That is what's being advertised, isn't it? [Microsoft]
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss Molly's friend Ed peeing in a bush outside of the Cha Cha. We are by no means endorsing the act of public urination, mind you; as everyone knows, the only time that public urination gets the Defamer stamp of approval is when an outdoor pre-party is somehow involved (tailgating, concerts, long lines at the Tar Pits, etc.). Even in instances like this, we'd really prefer if it you just took the extra five minutes to hit the Port-A-Potty or a public bathroom, but sometimes you just gotta go. Wait a second, how exactly did we get off on this truly disgusting tangent? Oh yes, we were getting ready to talk about this evening's To Do's which, fortunately, are only tangentially related to the topic we were discussing above. So ignore what we just said, but be sure to watch the video to find out what's going on in Los Angeles over the next three days. Have a great weekend!
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 · Nine Inch Nails at the Forum. · What's This Life For? at UCB. · The Maize Project at the Torrance Art Museum.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 · MTV Video Music Awards! We'll be liveblogging here beginning around 3pm PST. · The Fly at the LA Opera. · Oh Baby! Screening at the Renberg Theater. · Death Vessel at Spaceland.
When the Wild Things Are: For those waiting for a shred of good news to emerge from the long industrial nightmare that is the Where the Wild Things Are release date saga, today might be your day. Warner Bros has reportedly announced Spike Jonze's troubled fantasy will finally land in theaters on Oct. 19, 2009 — almost a year after its original date, which Warners scuttled for re-shoots that didn't seem help matters much as they dragged on. It's too long a wait for us to hold our breath, but we'll keep quiet from here lest some WTWTA curse abides. You can never be too careful. [Coming Soon via Vulture]
Hollywood can't win for losing these days with the German people, whose extra-defending litigious streak has nothing on the wounded national pride recently suffered after readings of Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards screenplay. While the thing has gathered dust on our computer desktop since midsummer, it's being voraciously consumed in Starbuchsens, on MeinSpace and around other social-gathering hotspots around the country; the ensuing national controversy condemns "scenes of vengeful Americans bashing, scalping, shooting and strangling German soldiers" and — worse yet — the almost certain state subsidies promised to the Deutschland-based production:
Germany's DFFF film fund gives automatic tax breaks for local shoots and Bastards is set to shoot almost entirely in Studio Babelsberg outside Berlin.
"I don't see how it should not be eligible for DFFF money," said Kirsten Niehuus, director of the Berlin-Brandenburg regional film fund.
Producers the Weinstein Co. declined comment but sources near the shoot said the controversy has had no effect on Tarantino or the German talent connected to the film, which includes Til Schweiger, Daniel Bruhl, Christoph Waltz and Diane Kruger.
"Most in the German industry love it that Tarantino's in Berlin," one insider said. "They love it that this kind of popcorn film is getting made here."
Got it, Harvey — thanks! Anyway, while we know it's slightly oversimplifying to suggest that the Nazis absolved their dignity by fighting on Adolf Hitler's behalf, let's just consider the tax credits a good-faith gesture toward the continued postwar rebuilding effort — and then call it good, OK? We promise we'll remember you guys when the dollar bounces back. Feel better yet?
While regular Nikki Finke readers know she don't do geek, you'd be forgiven for assuming from today's column that she occasionally dabbles in dweeb: Watch as she churns a Spidey Wiki's worth of Peter Parker biographical material cross-referenced with the latest villain indexes into the mother of all Spider-Man 4 exclusives, its vital insider information fed to her in the basement of a Century City parking structure by an anonymous figure known only as Deep Flack. The basics: · Spider-Man 4, based on a screenplay by Zodiac writer Jamie Vanderbilt, is a go, with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire on board. · Kirsten Dunst's character is in the script, but hasn't yet signed on. · The "black costume" won't return. · They may shoot 4 and 5 back-to-back. As for villains, well, we'll leave you now to Finke's capable deductive services:
I am told...that "once you find out who the villain is, you'll know who's playing it." That should lead to speculation that Dylan Baker's character of Dr. Curt Connors will ultimately turn into The Lizard as he did in the comic books.
There's one other character that's been set up but is a real longshot — Daniel Gillies, who plays John Jameson, the astronaut fiance of Mary Jane in Spider-Man 2. In the comics he becomes the villain Man-Wolf. Raimi has said in the past that he wants the best actors to play the villains in the movie, not necessarily the most famous.
And don't even get her started on The Kangaroo's back story! (Seriously, though—Philip Seymour Hoffman, if you're listening, you were born to play the part.)
The automatic doors of LAX refused to open for comedic actor Will Ferrell on Friday morning. The doors were making a stand against Ferrell's recent string of feature films. The intercom voice said, "The automatic doors are for people who don't make the same movie over and over again." Ferrell attempted to go through, but the doors would not budge. Ferrell cited the film Stranger Than Fiction as a stretch of his acting diversity. The intercom voice chimed back, "We tried to record that on the DVR, but there was a recording error." Ferrell asked the doors what they wanted him to do. The intercom voice told it would be in Ferrell's best interest if he takes a summer or two off and let the American public learn to love him again. Ferrell agreed to the deal and quickly made his way through the door.
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
While these parts have been known to house a predatory cougar or two, nothing could have prepared us for the family of bobcats who have moved into a foreclosed home in Lake Elsinore. The brood — at least two adult cats and three kittens — have lived in the house for weeks, sunning themselves on an outside wall and hanging out by the koi pond. "They are great neighbors," said local Scott Brown, "and as long as they don't want to baby-sit my kids, it's not a problem." That's how it starts, Scott, but before you know it, you're forced to drag your autistic young brother through the house in a desperate attempt at survival. Be wary. [LAT]
Though we noted a while back that Tina Fey as Liz Lemon and VP candidate Sarah Palin share more than a passing resemblance, we were quick to point out their dramatic differences on issues like gay marriage, the economy, and crappy exes. Our Liz Lemon is a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat, we insisted — until Good as You reminded us that in a self-flagellating monologue during season one of 30 Rock, Lemon admitted that though she might tell her friends she was supporting Barack Obama, she'd likely cast a secret vote for John McCain. Is Fey, then, that much-pursued Hillary voter who can be lured to John McCain by nothing more than a fellow set of horn-rimmed glasses? Perhaps that Life cover shoot was more prescient than we realized... [Good as You]
On a clear day Robin Williams can see forever — or at least to Alaska, from which Sarah Palin's fiefdom crept souther and souther until going absolutely radioactive this week in St. Paul. Assessing the phenomenon last night on Letterman, Williams alluded to the hard questions in its wake; to wit, how does a mother of five find time to hunt caribou? And what exactly does set a "snow machine" champion like Todd Palin apart from lesser men? It's one of the comic's more inspired tangents of late, and one that reminded us how little the issues really matter when we can conceivably have a vice president who can play wineglasses like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. This politics thing gets easier for us every day. [CBS]
Bucking the latest Hollywood fad, hunky indie film star Mark Ruffalo carried his own luggage after he landed in Toronto. The Brothers Bloom star is in town for the annual film festival and felt that carrying his own luggage was the normal thing to do. Ruffalo said, "It's my stuff. It's my wife's stuff. So, why make some driver carry it? It wasn't his decision to pack fourteen different outfits. It was my stylist's decision. Actually, come to think of it, she should be the one carrying all this stuff."
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
Now that the McCain/Palin ticket has usurped Barack Obama to become the official celebrity story of the day, actual celebrities are weighing in on Palin, and the reception is mixed. Following in the footsteps of Palin critics Lindsay Lohan and Albert Brooks, here's the latest roundup of stars going political:
· Heart's Nancy Wilson has taken umbrage at the use of their band's song "Barracuda" to introduce Palin at the RNC (Palin earned the nickname "Barracuda" during her high school basketball days). "I think it's completely unfair to be so misrepresented," she said to EW. "I feel completely fucked over."
· Diddy has much warmer feelings toward the vice presidential candidate, though they're expressed in equally blue terms. "You did your thing," he said on his Diddy Blog after watching Palin's RNC speech. "You gave a speech that pretty much shut me the fuck up."
· "The idea that people who voted for Hillary, who tend to be Democrats, would change and vote for McCain because of Sarah Palin seems to me bizarre," said actress Annette Bening while on promotional duties for The Women. "I find that an odd idea because of course Sarah Palin's politics are to the right of McCain's. She's incredibly conservative and I think it's fair to say she's more conservative than John McCain. So whether she will rally more conservative people to get out there and vote, I don't know. But most of the people I know that were interested in voting for Hillary are voting for Obama."
· Project Runway judge Nina Garcia thinks Palin could use a makeover. ""She has promise," Garcia told Us. "She just needs to lose those glasses. Get them lasered or something."
· Frequent VH1 talking head Simon Doonan disagreed, positing that you can take the glasses away from the moosehunter, but you can't take the moosehunter away from the glasses shop. “Oh, she is so LensCrafters I just don’t even know where to begin," he told New York. "People keep saying to me, ‘She’s Miss Congeniality.’ I’m seeing more LensCrafters."
· Tom Cruise and UA have bought the rights to The Monster of Florence, about a serial killer responsible for eight double-homicides between 1968 and 1985. No word yet on whether Tom would play the monster, or Florence, or (spoiler alert) both! [Variety] · Denzel Washington will star in The Book of Eli, set in the near future, when "America is a wasteland and a lone warrior fights to bring society the knowledge that is key to its redemption." Denzel's good, but he's not convincing Alaskan hockey mom good etc. etc. [THR] · OK, here's the thing America. Germany loves your movies and movie production dollars. But not when they involve sadistically taking out your WWII issues on innocent make-believe Nazis! [THR] · Robert DeNiro made it to the set of Martin Campbell's Edge of Darkness, and then abruptly dropped out. Said a spokesman, "Sometimes things don't work out; it's called creative differences." Coincidentally, that's the last thing Don Fanucci heard before getting shot in the face. [Variety] · The Beijing Olympics had an audience of 4.7 billion viewers, or roughly 70% of the Earth's population, or approximately half the viewers who tuned in to see which David would take the Idol crown. NBC must be thrilled! [THR]
Who's the Bigger Celebrity Now?The Hollywood Reporter sends word that John McCain's nomination acceptance speech broadcast from the GOP Convention was the most-watched acceptance address in history, surpassing Barack Obama's Aug. 28 speech by 500,000 viewers: 38.9 million to 38.4 million. The Republicans had more than wind in their sails, though; momentum from Sarah Palin's blockbuster appearance Wednesday night worked together with a lead-in from the NFL season opener, which mainlined more than 13 million viewers straight into McCain's convention-closing remarks on NBC. Fun fact: The speech outdrew George W. Bush's 2004 appearance by a nearly 2-to-1 margin. The GOP is a hit! Still! [THR Feed]
Though ladykiller VMAs host Russell Brand is certainly no stranger to female anatomy, his elephant-starring VMAs commercial with Britney Spears was nearly waylaid when he became obsessed with, as he puts it, one "terrifying vagina." In a chat with the Ebert-usurping Ben Lyons, Brand details how the elephant's mammoth sexual orifice nearly blew his mind, causing him to be late to an initial meeting with Spears (and subsequently leading the confused pop singer to ID him on-air as "Russell Brown"). With colorful anecdotes like these, the Defamer liveblog of this Sunday's VMAs should be a breeze; most of all, we can't wait until an onstage Brand takes the Jonas Brothers aside to demonstrate the colorful things an ambitious trio is really capable of. [MTV]
While slappies like Viggo Mortensen hedge their Oscar '08 futures with something close to a film per month, we much prefer the bombast of all-or-nothing awards-season power hitters like Daniel Day-Lewis and Mickey Rourke. Yes, we wrote Mickey Rourke — he of the inflated face, reckless scooter piloting, and now of the acclaimed Darren Aronofsky film The Wrestler, a stirring Venice Film Festival success that Variety pumped as featuring "a galvanizing, humorous, deeply moving portrait that instantly takes its place among the great, iconic screen performances":
Stylistically, it's agile, alert and most interested in what's going on in the characters' faces. And that is a lot. Physically imposing at 57 [sic], with a face that bespeaks untold battering and alteration, Rourke is simply staggering as Ram. The camera is rarely off him, and one doesn't want it to be, so entirely does he express the full life of this man with his every word and gesture. Ram's life has been dominated by pain in all its forms, but he's also devoted it to the one thing he loves and excels at, so he asks for no sympathy; he may have regrets, but no complaints.
In fact, Rourke only turns 52 this month — yet another testament to his prodigious talent for playing older, uglier and more selflessly than his preening peers. Look for the discussion to continue to this week in Toronto, where The Wrestler will square off with another has-been high-water mark, Jean-Claude Van Damme's JCVD — thus reviving the Rourke/Van Damme rivalry that so engrossed Razzie Award voters after their doomed 1997 collaboration Double Team. We're likely as glad as they they are to see those days behind them, but we still hope they'll follow proper star-reunion etiquette when passing each other en route to screenings. If we didn't pay to see the fight then, Lord knows we wouldn't pay to see it now.
So Mad Men creator/EP/spiritual shepherd Matthew Weiner realizes he's sitting on something pretty special with his cast of desk-hopping, Brylcreemed creatives over at Sterling Cooper. Perhaps it was the 16 Emmy nominations that tipped him off. ("Don't think of them as Emmy awards," his inner Don Draper will intone on the big night, "Think of them as tiny angels, flapping their pointy wings to a place where fear doesn't live. They're saying, 'You are OK, Matt...It's all...OK.'") Weiner's contract with the show's studio, Lionsgate TV, is up at the end of this season, and Variety reports he's been shopping himself around town to the highest bidder:
The creator and exec producer of AMC's critical darling is set to make the rounds of the majors in the next few weeks as he shops for a big-bucks overall deal. The timing is hardly accidental, given the approach of Sept. 21's Primetime Emmy Awards, in which "Mad Men" is a top contender with 16 noms.
It's understood that "Mad Men" producer Lionsgate TV and AMC have just begun their discussions on a third-season pickup for the period ensembler. Weiner's continued involvement with the show, a passion project that he nurtured as a spec for years before getting a yes from AMC, is sure to be part of those talks.
What a Mad Men might look like without the notoriously (from what we hear) controlling showrunner would be difficult to imagine, though it's safe to say that minus Weiner's indelible creative imprint, the AMC drama would be in danger of morphing into a different series altogether. We'd hate to see Season 3 begin with the title card "23 Years Later..." only to find our treasured rotation of series regulars replaced by cheaper unknowns, puzzling over how best to market a Rubik's Cube as Sterling Cooper discovers its wackier side in the Me Decade.
Perhaps it's just practice for the sapphic VMAs cameo that MTV wants her to make, but part-time actress Lindsay Lohan was snapped smooching Samantha Ronson in Manhattan yesterday. The development will no doubt please LAPD Chief William Bratton, who correctly intuited that Lohan "going gay" would somehow spirit her away from the more aggressive paparazzi in Los Angeles, though there is still no word on what father Michael Lohan thinks of the photo (we're sure, though, that a statement is incoming). Meanwhile, Playboy has offered Lohan a series of less tender snapshots, and they made a surprisingly low first offer:
It'S once nude, twice shy for Lindsay Lohan. The Sapphic-leaning star has turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight-page topless spread in Playboy's 55th-anniversary issue this January. "If there's nudity, then the answer's no . . . She's not going down the [New York] magazine road again," Lohan's rep told Playboy's creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay's naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to '60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film "Kitten With a Whip," which is one of Lohan's faves.
Only $700,000, Playboy? While we know that Lohan's film quote has dropped precipitously in the past few years, she's now become one of Myspace's premiere intellectuals, and a classy blogger like Lohan can't be expected to doff her top for a measly 700k. Make it $1.5 — and throw in some Dixie Cups — and you'll be in business.
At the premiere of The Women, all of the men in attendance were lured away from their dates by the sweet siren song of Cloris Leachman. Leachman, who's slated to compete in the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars, swept stars like Warren Beatty and Will Smith off their feet with her erotic tales of old Hollywood. Smith said, "Cloris has to be the ultimate cougar. If I wasn't with Jada, I'd make a serious play at her. Although, Warren might give me a run for my money." When asked about her newfound status as the ultimate cougar, Leachman said, "I would say that I still got it, but the fact of the matter is that I never lost it."
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
Why, it seems like it was only yesterday (or 2003) that actor Michael Cera was just an unassuming Bluth, content to run the family banana stand and do whatever was asked of him by Jason Bateman with a minimum of protest. Today, however, Cera is a fledgling movie star, with two big hits on his resume (Superbad and Juno) and a romantic comedy (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) yet to come. It's while he was promoting the latter that he broke ranks with Bateman for the first time, shooting down the idea that the Arrested Development movie would film next year and stating that he wouldn't want to be a part of it anyway. Says the National Post:
What he won't be doing any time soon is a movie version of a certain quirky TV show. He hasn't heard of any plans for an Arrested Development film.
"I don't think I would want to see a movie of the series if I was a fan, anyway," Cera says. "And I don't really see a need for it if you can get the three seasons on DVD."
Michael, the mere fact that you say there's "no need" for an Arrested Development movie tells us that you're not ready for the vocal protest that's bound to ensue from shocked fans. Let's all hope this is just a bit of negotiations hardball designed to bump up the salary for Arrested Development's most unexpectedly bankable performer — otherwise, we'll have to bring back BluthWatch '08. And this time, it's personal.
A mysterious man wearing a gray blazer offered 90210 star Shannen Doherty a friendly shove outside of the Ed Sullivan theater on Thursday night. This caused Doherty to experience a temporary flashback to her childhood, when her shyness prevented her from adequately conversing with her father's golf buddies. After hiding behind the gray blazered chap for a couple of minutes, the mystery man encouraged Shannen to talk to the people gathered outside instead of bolting directly to her Town Car. "Come on and smile for the nice people," he said. "You're kind of back. Let's not screw it up, okay? And show the nice people that nice dance you learned, too."
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, noteworthy and potentially nausea-inducing at the movies. If summer was really just a heady four-month industry bender of superheroes and the occasional Sex romp, then consider this week the hangover: The brutal post-Labor Day doldrums, when phoner-inner Nic Cage has the box office to himself, our underdog is an ethnic punchline, and we want to to do nothing but shut ourselves in with a few of this week's only slightly more intriguing DVD releases. So read on for a remedy; as always, our opinions are our own, but let's just assume we're all in agreement this time around. It's kind of hard to screw up a week like this.
WHAT'S NEW: However wistful our recollections of Nicolas Cage's finer moments, it's never enough to shake the grave reality of seeing him as a laconic, hairplugged hitman in Bangkok Dangerous. And while our pity is mitigated slightly by the minor majesty of his Thai survival struggles, we're guessing a deafult number-one opening around $9.3 million (nothing else is opening wide this week) is deflating enough to set us back at least a few years to The Wicker Man — another ill-advised remake he had no business touching. Anyway, it's too late now. And did we mention we're hungover?
Also opening: Jamie Bell's teen-voyeur tale Mister Foe; Azazel Jacobs's wildly overrated Sundance darling Momma's Man; Oscar-winning docmaker Jessica Yu's narrative debut Ping Pong Playa; and Claude Chabrol's moody May-December psychodrama A Girl Cut in Two.
THE BIG LOSER: Honestly? You, the moviegoer. Even Tropic Thunder could drop 50% from last week and still surpass its production budget, a symbolic bump that will probably please all those woozy DreamWorks execs with hot compresses on their foreheads just fine. But until the Coens, The Women and the rest of the fall players start trotting out of the tunnel next week, your options are as limited as they've been all year. Sorry!
THE UNDERDOG: Roadside Attractions is positioning as the next My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which we don't necessarily buy; Wedding had Tom Hanks's money and Bob Berney's marketing genius behind it, not to mention ethnic and gender appeals that Nia Vardalos plugged into a general cultural vacuum at exactly the right time. There's something a little more cynical about Italian and it's aggressively goomba TV and print ad campaign, but on 96 screens this weekend, a $350,000 opening could hint at a market that will take what it can get. Keep an eye on it.
FOR SHUT-INS: Not a whole lot better, though we stand by Helen Hunt's directing debut (and Underdog alum) Then She Found Me. There's also the '50-set ensemble melodrama Married Life, with Rachel McAdams, Pierce Brosnan, Patty Clarkson and Chris Cooper; the 20th anniversary rerelease of Bright Lights, Big City; the fourth season of The Office; and finally — finally! — the 10th season of Cheers.
Sigh. We can't wait until this headache wears off; maybe spend some time outside until then.
Via the Copyranter blog, we bring you this ingenious, if kind of gross, marketing effort for an upcoming showing of Knocked Up on New Zealand TV. It mounts a living, breathing recreation of a sperm's penetration of the oocyte using a diorama incorporating tadpoles and a fish food-stuffed egg-sponge. And while we'd hate to see what kind of baby results from sperms that look like that, we do think this adverquarium could have a lengthy second life as a handy visual learning aid for Sarah Palin, available to wheel out every time she needs to explain to the American public when life precisely begins. Click the thumbnail to view the marvels of science at full size.
· Say what you want about this act from last night's America's Got Talent—we're just thrilled to see the Gay Man's Chorus of Los Angeles keeping themselves busy in the chorus off-season. [AGT] · So those two "two sharp young writers" Dan Aykroyd mentioned are hard at work on Ghostbusters 3 are The Office co-EPs Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky. Pam + Slimer 4ever! [Variety] · Sarah Palin attended five colleges in six years before graduating from the University of Idaho in 1987. Also, she burned down a library after she found out the Moosewood Cookbook was vegetarian commie propaganda. [AP, Boston Herald] · Howie Mandel earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today, which came with a smaller matching star in an aluminum briefcase. Because he's made his biggest impact on a popular game show featuring people screaming at briefcases, you see. Oh... never mind. [Getty Images] · Attention all drug addicts currently loitering near or around Kirsten Dunst's hotel room: your days of villainy are numbered! [Yahoo] · And the same goes for you, female strippers in Australia accused of sexually penetrating the bachelor! [news.com.au]
As shooting on 30 Rock dragged into the wee hours of the morning, popular actress Jennifer Aniston offered free neck rubs and body massages to day players and crew members to boost morale. Aniston said, "I finally got a chance to put those six months at massage school to good use. It's just so nice to give back." Aniston's makeshift massage tent generated a huge line, despiteher strict anti-happy ending policy. Aniston added, "That's kind of gross. Maybe if the individual was my lover, but a lighting guy, not so much. Love what they do, but not that much."
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
VMA FYI: In news that will surely please his favorite white girl Scarlett Johansson, Kanye West has been picked to close out this year's VMAs (which will be opened — in some fashion — by Britney Spears). Since it's the ceremony's 25th anniversary, the network says we can expect winks to MTV's past including Christina Aguilera returning to reprise "Genie in a Bottle," and Katy Perry essaying Madonna's "Like a Virgin." And just like at this year's MTV Movie Awards, we'll be live on the red carpet Sunday evening causing havoc and liveblogging our hearts out. But unlike the '07 VMAs, this year's event looks like it might actually be able to hold our interest, thanks to the addition of the unpredictable Russell Brand as host. Let's just hope they don't let Eva Longoria Parker near him — MTV couldn't afford the FCC fine if those two got into water sports again. [MTV]
Anyone who's been watching Molly McAleer's nightly To Do videos during the last few months knows that her soundtrack for the summer has been Girl Talk's Feed The Animals. At least, that's what we thought. Turns out she's been riding around town all summer pumping an entirely different jam, Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied." So what if the song is two years old this week, it's Beyonce's birthday. Join Molls as she leads you through the best things to do in LA tonight (and watch as she and Edward cut loose in what looks to be a Circle-K parking lot). Enjoy!
Last night's premiere of the latest cycle of America's Next Top Model unveiled this season's epic theme—"As sci fi as we can possibly make this using things found at a dollar store"—to much squealy delight from the carefully selected pool of regular- and plus-sized replicants. While the audience seems to be dwindling for such catwalk-crawling minstrel shows (the ratings hit an all-time low), the series is to be commended for never failing to adapt and innovate. Take, for example, the introduction of exciting Glamonator 11.0 technology: A more sophisticated descendant of the Sleeper Orgasmatron, it's capable of producing an amazingly convincing hologram of a completely-over-it reality hostess who wishes she could fold up shop on this ghetto-ass exercise in model-search futility to spend more time on her Emmy-winning talk show. Smile with your circuits, ladies!
Elisabeth Hasselbeck flew into Minneapolis today to host a luncheon for the terrifyingly taut-faced First Lady candidate Cindy McCain, and though The View's resident conservative has hardly hid her feelings on the presidential election, she's also remained relatively mum on the subject of Michelle Obama — until now. The two women met for the first time when Obama guest-hosted The View in June, and Hasselbeck's catty comments may ensure that the visit was Michelle's last. Says the New York Times:
Before the main event, Ms. Hasselbeck contrasted Mrs. McCain with another wife of a political candidate who “shall remain nameless,” noting, “She didn’t come with a list of topics that we weren’t allowed to touch.” (Oh, snap, Michelle Obama.)
"Oh, snap," indeed, NYT. What an unfair demand for Michelle Obama to make, especially after the hard-hitting Hasselbeck used Cindy McCain's View stint to grill her on the Keating Five scandal, Cindy's history of drug addiction, and the illegally written prescriptions she used to procure those drugs. Oh, wait, our bad: Hasselbeck never asked about any of those things, and we're sure that Cindy never expected her to! Hooray for partisan double standards!
The 'stache-tastic Robert Downey Jr — along with Japan's very own Iron Man, Hal —went off on a few barrels before the premiere of Iron Man. According to Downey Jr, the barrels were asking for it and got what they deserved. Downey said, "Those barrels were mouthing off. Saying some nasty things about my performance in The Shaggy Dog and now they're going to pay." After having such a blast demolishing the barrels, Downey and Hal agreed to team up on a live action version of Donkey Kong, possibly to be helmed by Wong Kar-Wai.
*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
· Oh. Ma. Ga. Ladies and gentlemen: Britney Spears, lean, mean, and executing complicated choreography. Is she actually going to perform at the VMAs? You'll just have to tune in to our liveblog—from the actual theater, all live-like!—to find out. [
Out of the 2006 Oscars came many things, among them an unlikely two-horse sprint—one gay, one racist and mangled—between Brokeback Mountain and Crash for Best Picture. Crash would win, its tapestry of bigoted Angelenos embarking upon a futuristic death race for ultimate ethnic supremacy striking a chord in many Academy voters. Some time passed, and news came down the transom that Crash would become 
Touted as a historical television fundraiser and awareness drive across three networks (Fox is 
Now that those exhausting political conventions are finally over, we can get back to the issues that really matter to hardworking Americans: sex addiction, huge breasts, and plastic surgery! That's right, it's time for another installment of Dirt Sandwich, prepared by Defamer videographer (and viable third party candidate) Molly McAleer. What's her platform, you ask? Why, it's to make sure that ordinary people have access to both universal health care and celebrity clip montages. After all, when that phone rings at 3AM, we need a candidate who knows how to deal with Jennie Garth's dramatic 10-pound weight gain, not one who'll have to learn about it on the job. That's the kind of experience you'll be getting from Molly McAleer on Day One — won't you cast your vote today?
In its bid to top the deceptively simple 
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss Molly's friend Ed peeing in a bush outside of the Cha Cha. We are by no means endorsing the act of public urination, mind you; as everyone knows, the only time that public urination gets the Defamer stamp of approval is when an outdoor pre-party is somehow involved (tailgating, concerts, long lines at the Tar Pits, etc.). Even in instances like this, we'd really prefer if it you just took the extra five minutes to hit the Port-A-Potty or a public bathroom, but sometimes you just gotta go. Wait a second, how exactly did we get off on this truly disgusting tangent? Oh yes, we were getting ready to talk about this evening's To Do's which, fortunately, are only tangentially related to the topic we were discussing above. So ignore what we just said, but be sure to watch the video to find out what's going on in Los Angeles over the next three days. Have a great weekend!
Hollywood can't win for losing these days with the German people, whose 
While regular Nikki Finke readers know she 
While these parts have been known to house a 
Though we noted a while back that Tina Fey as Liz Lemon and VP candidate Sarah Palin 
On a clear day Robin Williams can see forever — or at least to Alaska, from which Sarah Palin's fiefdom crept souther and souther until going absolutely radioactive this week in St. Paul. Assessing the phenomenon last night on Letterman, Williams alluded to the hard questions in its wake; to wit, how does a mother of five find time to hunt caribou? And what exactly does set a "snow machine" champion like Todd Palin apart from lesser men? It's one of the comic's more inspired tangents of late, and one that reminded us how little the issues really matter when we can conceivably have a vice president who can play wineglasses like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. This politics thing gets easier for us every day. [
Now that the McCain/Palin ticket has 
· Tom Cruise and UA have bought the rights to The Monster of Florence, about a serial killer responsible for eight double-homicides between 1968 and 1985. No word yet on whether Tom would play the monster, or Florence, or (spoiler alert) both! [
Though ladykiller VMAs host 
While slappies like Viggo Mortensen 
So Mad Men creator/EP/spiritual shepherd Matthew Weiner realizes he's sitting on something pretty special with his cast of desk-hopping, Brylcreemed creatives over at Sterling Cooper. Perhaps it was the 16 Emmy nominations that tipped him off. ("Don't think of them as Emmy awards," his inner Don Draper will intone on the big night, "Think of them as tiny angels, flapping their pointy wings to a place where fear doesn't live. They're saying, 'You are OK, Matt...It's all...OK.'") Weiner's contract with the show's studio, Lionsgate TV, is up at the end of this season, and Variety reports he's been shopping himself around town to 
Perhaps it's just practice for the 
Why, it seems like it was only yesterday (or 2003) that actor Michael Cera was just an unassuming Bluth, content to run the family banana stand and do whatever was asked of him by Jason Bateman with a minimum of protest. Today, however, Cera is a fledgling movie star, with two big hits on his resume (Superbad and Juno) and a romantic comedy (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) yet to come. It's while he was promoting the latter that he broke ranks with Bateman for the first time, shooting down the idea that the Arrested Development movie would 
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, noteworthy and potentially nausea-inducing at the movies. If summer was really just a heady four-month industry bender of superheroes and the occasional 
THE UNDERDOG: Roadside Attractions is positioning as the next My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which we don't necessarily buy; Wedding had Tom Hanks's money and Bob Berney's marketing genius behind it, not to mention ethnic and gender appeals that Nia Vardalos plugged into a general cultural vacuum at exactly the right time. There's something a little more cynical about Italian and it's aggressively goomba TV and print ad campaign, but on 96 screens this weekend, a $350,000 opening could hint at a market that will take what it can get. Keep an eye on it.
Via the 
· Say what you want about this act from last night's America's Got Talent—we're just thrilled to see the Gay Man's Chorus of Los Angeles keeping themselves busy in the chorus off-season. [
Anyone who's been watching Molly McAleer's nightly To Do videos during the last few months knows that her soundtrack for the summer has been Girl Talk's Feed The Animals. At least, that's what we thought. Turns out she's been riding around town all summer pumping an entirely different jam, Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied." So what if the song is two years old this week, it's Beyonce's birthday. Join Molls as she leads you through the best things to do in LA tonight (and watch as she and Edward cut loose in what looks to be a Circle-K parking lot). Enjoy!
Last night's premiere of the latest cycle of America's Next Top Model unveiled this season's epic theme—"As sci fi as we can possibly make this using things found at a dollar store"—to much squealy delight from the carefully selected pool of regular- and plus-sized replicants. While the audience seems to be dwindling for such catwalk-crawling minstrel shows (the ratings hit 
Elisabeth Hasselbeck flew into Minneapolis today to host a luncheon for the terrifyingly taut-faced First Lady candidate Cindy McCain, and though The View's resident conservative has 
